Code 1065: Missing
Spare a thought for my nan
who got lost on the way to the curry house
Now she is missing and so is my naan.
Code 1067: Unwanted bread
I made some bread I didn't want, I'm not surprised it didn't rise
I didn't knead it.
Code 1068: Piggy FM
I bought my piggy a radio
but it never really worked.
Too much crackling.
Code 1069: Office Ethics
You know it's a sin
To work with a grin
If the office you're in is non-smirking.
Code 1070: A Fairy Story
Never fall asleep with your head under the pillow. You may wake up with no teeth
But lots of money.
Code 1071: Fish Supper
I took my fish for a birthday dish
Mind was a little cold
His was a little worm.
Code 1072: Le Brekkie
I went to France for breakfast, bacon and eggs I had. The bacon was a little lard, and one egg was un ouef.
Code 1074: Messy Moules
I want mussels
all over my body
Diana Ross was a messy eater.
Code 1075: Red Nose Day
I put an ad in the local rag
for a circus clown.
No small feet.
Code 1076: Dismember
The Commons Speaker got into a fight
No look at the state of him
Eyes to the left, nose to the right.
Code 1077: Selfish Shellfish
A crab stole my credit card
For me it was chip and pin
For him it was nip and pinch.
Code 1078: The Holy Braille
A blind man bough a cheese grater, a book he'd wanted instead. I wonder if he ever thought. It was the most violent book he'd read.
Code 1079: Turning in
I bet the man who invented the lathe
Turning in his grave.
Code 1066: It's a Saveloy!
The doner kebab married the chipolata
I can't wait to hear the pitta platter
of tiny meat.
Code 1073: Socriligious
Please say a pray for my shoes
Bless their soles
For they are holey
Code 1080: Funny Looks
I put an ad in the local rag
for some comedy stairs
but all I got were these funny stairs.
Code 1081: Foul Play
Let us mourn old Charlie Snicker whose heart gave way at the curry house. I reckon the poor lad must have had a seriously dodgy tikka.
Code 1082: Small Problem
My plan for a disco for dwarves is no more.
It would have been great
but for one tiny flaw.
Code 1083: Bricks-n-Shorter
There was a man who was 3ft tall, he fell in love with a 10ft wall.
I don't know how he'll get over it.
Code 1084: Lucky Dip
I passed a sign saying Lucky Dip, a good job it was there. The road ahead was holey and covering in guacamole.
Code 1085: To be Sure To be Sure
I saw a little leprechaun, to the Irish he was born. He had butter and cheese and herbs on his head. Yes, definitely Gallic bred.
Code 1086: Hard Cheese
The short-sighted waiter located the brie but not the potata.
He can't see the spud for the cheese.
Code 1087: Bird Bath
I saw a bird having a bath, a lovely sight for certain. And then with a fright she spotted me and pulled the bathroom curtain.
Code 1088: Perfect Love
The locust fell for the computer mouse.
Why, I don't know.
They just clicked.
Code 1089: Signs of the Times
Lamb, Beef, Bacon, Chops, signs you see in butchers' shops. Along with 'Sorry no dogs'. Phew, that's a relief.
Code 1090: Stuck on You
To set a new world record, Ted superglued his hand to his head.
I don't know how he pulled it off.
Code 1091: Condensed Milk
Code 1092: Chav Crab
Down the fishmongers stall in Margate there were cockles and muscles, whelks, clams and squid to be had. But the dressed crab looked particularly bad, dressed as it was in a shell suit.
Code 1093: There's Mortar Life
Spare a thought for Barry the Brick, dumped by his girlfriend Pebbles.
He thought the bond would last
she wanted something more concrete.
Code 1094: Eric's Appetite
Eric the Red was a Viking cannibal
He'd never eat an animal
But he could've eaten a Norse.
All cards are 150mm x 150mm and come in packs of 6. The cost of six is £5.90 with free p&p. Cards are printed on 350gms (thick!) Calisto Diamond White card and come cellophane-wrapped with a white envelope. TRADE ONLY PLEASE - MINIMUM ORDER £50.
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